Molly Scare

Molly got out tonight and had a grand time sniffing around the neighborhood and dining on last week's Thai Surprise and moldy bread from shirtless Kevin - my crazy neighbor's - yard. I bet you're wondering how we came to know what she ate...

She had a strange neurological reaction at 7pm and started shaking uncontrollably, panting, tripping over furniture and toys and reacting with extreme sensitivity to sound. A visit to the Vet ER with IV Catheter for fluids and a muscle relaxant, blood work to rule out kidney or liver problems, and an activated charcoal snack to soak up whatever led to an inconclusive diagnosis and decision whether to follow the vet's advice and have her admitted and given more procedures ($1,600-$3,300 estimate) OR take her home, let her poop out the charcoal and hope for the best.

I payed Molly's $523 bill, thanked the staff, and signed the waiver indicating that I took full responsibility for not following the doctor's advice. Then I helped a wobbly-legged (and still quivering) Molly to the car with muscle-relaxant pills to be taken every 8 hours to limit her shaking and another round of charcoal with two jars of banana baby food to aid in getting Molly to take it . The decision was based partly on the fact that if it was rat poison, she was probably doomed anyway, and if it was slug bait or moldy food, then she would most likely make a full recovery without a stomach flush, doggie enema and luxury overnight accomodations.

An hour after returning home, a mountain of black sludge exploded from Molly's ass, creating a foul stench and odd pile on our living room carpet. We dumped it in the middle of the street and explored it with a flashlight after hosing off the carpet on the front walk. Sure enough we found the remains of a moldy baguette, three whole cayenne chilis and two other types of debris that I could not make out.

Molly is now snoozing at my feet free of the shakes and looking a little sheepish about causing all of this trouble. I will still wake up at 2am to administer round two of the charcoal. Word to the wise...tell your neighbors not to put moldy bread out for the birds.